Runnaway Maid

Its always such darned trouble giving intro and making social conversation. Life and blogspot situations can be so annoyingly similar. I'm bothering with neither.

So here is a fairly interesting story i heard recently, courtesy my dear mother, (yea yea Ive moved on to gossip for the elderly) anyway so our maid came to work a couple of days back all frantic and panicky and said she wont be coming to work for a few days.

REACTIONS: mini dramatic heart attack type and immediate assignment of chores to any unfortunate soul around(OK it was not that bad but there was a lot of tension and drama!) and commencement of woe sharing session.

Anyway so what happened was that my maid's daughter ran away a few years back and got married but widowed shortly after, came back and was married off to her uncle(yea yea incest blah). Due to obligations placed by the whole new tech era on all sections of society she was also given a mobile phone. Of course we all know the evils of this little device(stop laughing pervs) and after a few years and a bunch of kids, she began an affair. Not any ordinary affair! This one was an SMS affair, with all the lingo mentioned in my previous post coupled with I'm sure a bunch of mushy kannada movie dialogues. (ah what i would not give to get hold of those)

Obviously she was not sneaky enough and was caught but using il bet some of the same dialogues and some sweet talk she convinced her husband against a divorce and all was well..... for sometime.

FEW DAYS LATER: The husband returns home one afternoon early from work and finds the SMS dude hiding in the bathroom (at this juncture i laughed until i got stern "you are so heartless" looks from my mom).

So now the entire family, extended relatives and well almost everyone in the community is collectively going for an "intervention" (i highly doubt they are very familiar with the concept of "hush hush" and "open secrets".)

THE END

(this is all i payed attention for actually)

I accept completely responsibility for the horrible narration, i am sure one of my aunts would have done better job. What i do wonder though is who the blame can be placed on in this situation( U gotta blame someone!) or more interesting who can the husband sue from the following:

1. His wife for being uhhhh "not virtuous"

2. The wife's mother for initiating this incest

3. The cellphone company for introducing cheap sms rates

4. (and this is my pick) The T.V serial she invariably picked up all her affair ideas from. (How many shows have we seen, especially in South India where the lover always always hides in the bathroom, tch women be innovative)

These TV shows are all supposed to be so unrealistic and dramatic(In your face public opinion).

General wonder"ation": Do people who do not know better, pick up these tips from the shows OR do the writers hear stories like i did, throw in a pious widow, red nail polished "villi", her sidekick villain, one America returned hero and make a mega serial on "Sun TV". SUPER IT!

PS: Did the egg come first or the chicken?

yes yum yes revolutions

I often wonder why the urge to blog always comes to me after midnight while i lie in my dark dingy room. Of course i will not further elaborate on this, in light of the new promise to self and society not to be racist, casteist or specifically mean.
Hence, moving on, i spent a particularly long time snooping on facebook today, it somehow always gets interesting after 12(again in light of my new promises this will not be further elaborated upon).
Well unfortunately i did not come across anything of gossip value. So there Ive just lost about half my readers! tch! Anyway what i did come across was a set of incomprehensible syllables which can only be described as the living proof of the conquest of "yes yum yes" aka sms lingo.
Now don't judge me so soon, i am not the girl who corrects you when you pronounce "alarm" as "alaraaam", i am in fact who for the considerable amount of time pronounced it as "alaaraam" *note how i subly add the 'i am only human' touch to this post bringing in some modesty, awesome me*
Also i am not the girl who will judge you if "u type like dis". In fact i am the understanding kindred soul possing a human touch embodying perfection.(somehow that sounded so much better in my head). har har 'nuff about me already.
PS: I do warn readers to always check their spellings though, again not because i intellectually judge on that but because about 10 mins back i typed bloobspot instead of blogspot and was lead to a homosexual pron site. Very disturbing indeed.
Again, moving on, as mentioned above sms lingo is one of the great inventions of the 20Th century. Saves time and space and money. Then again like all other great inventions of the 20Th century, this has been grossly misused.
Exhibits:
1. The excess usage of the word "z" in practically irrational places.
eg. "howzzzzzzz it going"? exactly how it helps the writer beats me but my socially active peers tell me it adds to something called the "cool value"
2. Substitute of the word "kwel" in place of "cool": this of course is the work of a celebrated (secretly) scholar who has taken it upon himself to alter the very structure of a word to make it socially acceptable among the youth. bravo! no critique comments on this one, it speaks for itself.
It should be noted that the followers of this noted scholar have done their own field of research and made the following contributions;
a. "hawwwwwt" in place of "hot"
b. "ossum" in place of "awesome"
c. "zesssky" in place of sexy (this is of course my favorite and the most awesome reconstruction)
d. "gawd" in place of god (as a peaceful agnostic i again refrain from comment)

The area we are about to enter right now is murky, gory and strangely disturbing hence people with a weak heart and strong views on grammar and kindly requested to revert away from this page and go to http://pogo.tv/ for further entertainment.
"It was another normal sultry night as i lay pursuing my interest and passion as a snooper when i accidentally stumbled upon a string of words. My mind was reeling.I went blank.*eerie background music* Then i recovered, read it again and fainted. *more eerie background music* This cycle continued for half an hour until i mustered up the courage to decipher this strange script before me. Of course it was then i realised. It was over, the battle was lost, all was gone, he has succeeded, he has erased the noble work of our forefathers, he has made the dictionary an object of deadly sin, he that bloody bloody "yes yum yes", evil wizard of the west. *dramatic drumbeat*
Probably the only surviving member of this incident i now give to you the murderous words on the script, translated into decipherable language. *deep breath* err goes:
1. "buh' daaai" : birthday
2. "b'loh" : Bangalore
3. "aiite" : alright
4. "fo" : for
5. "ova" : over (yes yes i confused it with the biological term too)
6. "rie" : right
7. "boo" : this is not even a modified word, its some sort of term of endearment invented from the famous usher song.. *puke*

And yet another blog post has come to and end. A particularly painful one at that.
As usual death threats and comments on general sluttiness is welcome. Except people a little more on the blog and little less on various other personal ventures.
"cya"
*what? never seen a hypocrite before"?

...tell jesus the bitch is back

Dear Reader,

1. Kindly note my cool title adapted from gossip girl

2. Kindly note my renewed interest in blogging after months suddenly suddenly at 2.15 in the morning

3. I have ligament tear(I'm being dramatic, my leg hurts), please suggest remedy(preferably homemade south Indian)

4. I'm not actually the bitch and not entirely back, just swalpa jobless at the moment

5. The following is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person thing or dog, living or otherwise is purely coincidental.

There is finally some public issue which i feel like writing about, phew!

OK its not thaaaat public but not scandalously personal either (yaay me!)

i wish i can elaborate on how i came to think of this particular topic and sound super smart but my leg hurts :(
so getting to the point:
Super smart persons awesome question one:
"why is leching such a bad thing"

Super smart persons awesome question two
"why is it especially taboo among women"

Food for thought:
Commentor: "My god you are gifted with such intelligence"
Commentee(as if thats a word): swells with pride;

Commentor: "my god you have such a nice ass"

Commentee(even if it was, as if it will be spelt like this, tch bad spellings shreya) : Cries, goes to Amma(no no not Jayalaitha) and Appa and registers police complaint.

Forgive my obviously inappropriate comparison but i do not look for this degree of progression, all i ask is, why are women so offended when they are leched at? Its a compliment to an asset after all, just like the brain or face, eyes etc. how come everything neck below is taboo? I don't get the reasoning, cuss my un evolved self.

Then there is the concept that only men can and will lech. What nonsense! Women like leching too. Why is a female lech seen with such contempt? society society thou art a cruel bitch!

Now that we have established that leching is not bad and before i get "over the top" dirty remarks:

Comment on public interest: lech away dear men and women, but recognize the thin line between leching and doing "porkiness" otherwise called being offensive i.e everything is good only in moderation (except butterchicken and corner house ice cream).

Hence (Such a subtle way to sum up):

1. One must limit leching habits to another that does not mind it.

2. "Another" must widen horizon and be more open to being leched at.

3. If another does'nt want to, then "one" must not force it on "another "and direct attention else ware.

4. One must keeps ones hand to ones self at all times, unless given permission to otherwise.

5. One must always wash hands before eating. (general advice)

PS: note how the above is gender neutral making me an awesome feminist.. (again yaay me!)

Apologies for profound joblessness and promise that the bitch shall be properly back.. shortly.. after my leg stops hurting :(

As usual death threats and serious questioning on blogger's moral character and general sluttiness is welcome.

Also if u like the concept of female leching, join the female lech club:

office: nlu arc

registration on request

attendance necessary everyday after 9 P.M

maybe i should change the blog name to "the lech is back"
ehhhh and btw i only voice favorable lech opinions. Otherwise I'm innocent iyer girl who did not even know the spelling of lech until blogspot "spell check" told me.. *innocent eyelash flutter*
and my leg still hurts :(

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. Philosopher and sociologist Theodor Adorno defined schadenfreude as “largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate Schadenfreude.(CCP from wikipedia :) )
This is quite an interesting concept i came across when i was reading my super deep books(i can sense you laughing.. fine i flicked it from boston legal). anyway so food for thought.. dont we all want to see that mean bitch from college go down.. that bitch who makes fun of everyone in her blog.. that "bloody hypocrite" who cant take criticism against herself.. tch tch wouldn it be the best thing in the world if something so evil happened to her..
Schadenfreude.. its a wonderful feeling Ive heard.. and why wouldnt it be.. dont we all want to see what can break a person.. watch them suffer and "anonymously" take pleasure in it..
And everyone of us has done it.. why so have i.. its just a thing too dark to really say out loud.. "hey i take pleasure in ur suffering" but honestly we ask for it.. i mean when you can be fake nice to everyone why take the trouble to be honest.. (im going to get a lot of "you hypocrite" comments right now)
So my point basically is.. we all make mistakes.. some bigger than the other which pretty much induces feeling of Schadenfreude towards you.. rule of life.. we just gotta accept it and move on.. and the actual point im trying to make here is that while im supposed to be studying.. i voice random thoughts which i myself wont be reading after this.. i dont know how you good people get the strength to tolerate the blog and make all the effort to make comments.. (some more spiteful than the other)..
Ahh well Schadenfreude all the way... :)

stupidity is still not a valid excuse!

For the record the title of the blog has nothing to do with the post, as always.. i never seem to be able to think of titles.. its quite saddening really, no no dont worry i will not torture will senti post.. anyway.. long interval between post due to existence of a life(unlike u! ha!), i sometimes wonder why i dont get beaten up more..
My most recently heard outrageous line..something in effect criticizing blogging as being another excuse for social networking or some such nonsense..i see lack of creative talent taking a toll. tch tch.. forgive my narcissistic "oh im so cool" tone, it is exam time.. and its recession time(people use that as an excuse for everything so...)
exactly a month before i return to the bangalore fakees, start over dressing and being nice to people i cant stand.. really looking forward to it.. what the hell im even going to call for a "cottons" reunion.. would really test my patience.. and i also get to use my title after every sentence.. LG(life's good, abbreviations rock.. im so cool.. recession)
for those who are interested, "antagonizing melancholy" is over.. not like there really was any(now that i am "cool" again and can deny the entire thing, notice how the "cool" can be twisted to be used anywhere.. go fakees!)
time to bitch..(finally! i hate having to make small talk to seem normal before i can actually come to my favorite section!).. professional colleges shock me.. the lack of sense of unity and overpowering individual interests is preposterous.. i miss school where everyone used to stand up and rebel if someone is aggrieved.. here everyone other person is just another person who u have to step over for that six figure salary.. very sad guys.. and this lack of spirit gives leverage to the management to make outrageous laws and stupid rules not to mention hire incompetent teachers.. i mean they'r living in johpur for a job.. what else can u expect.. and not to mention.. except the English teacher everyone speaks in Hindi, not like im a not a fan of the whole national language nonsense(only because the framers of the constitution didn kno better) but there are people who actually dont understand anything of what these losers are saying, i say they're blessed. half baked wrong info is always worse than no info.. tch..
funniest thing ive heard this week: we had this concept of slave on graduation day where a junior had to the slave of a 5th yr for a day.. now slaves are also known as genes.. but some of the 5th years insisted on calling them "jacks" for reasons only known to them.. so in the graduation speeches you had stuff like "id really like to thank my jack for showing up" "... a wonderful jack, thank you for all the support", "... to thank my jack for the wonderful time", "... my jack for the most amazing day".. "you are my favorite jack.."... i seemed to be the only one finding all this real funny.. cuss my diry mind.. tch tch
oh also i heard someone say "understoodable today".. mwahahahaha..

antagonizing melencholy

ok people, no sarcasm wit or fun in this blog, bad day=mood to philosophise.. so read ahead at your own risk.. have you ever encountered those times when you suddenly wake up and realise youve been living life in one big delusion, if you have and your trying to emphatise with me "ha! suckers too bad", none of that happened to me, what did happen that lead to the melencholy was that i suddenly sat up(there was no waking up since theres no sleep in law schools) and realised the derilium ive been in the past few days was one big delusion(yea yea i learned new words! gosh), anyhu, so when realisation struck, full sadness happened and thought process went into overdrive and then i got bored of thinking and all, ohh it was one big chain of events.. the point im trying to make here is that, sometimes we tend to believe exactly what we want too despite all facts and situation scream of a big uncertainity trait.. its like the mind plants memories that never existed so that the present state of ignorant bliss stays.. trust me its the worst feeling, and its the hardest to express.. its like you cant take another failure so u plant an event of success and revel in it, ughhh, this is probably the most whiny and philo il ever get, im actually quite suprised at myself, im generally not this lame(ref. previous blogs), but well yea. bad day brings out the worst in some people..im gonna laugh the next time i read it, like a bad hangover photographed and framed.. anyway im sure you people think im having major problems and identity issues.. well again "ha! suckers your wrong again", its a simple case of peer pressure and teenage boy problems.. although the theories based on it was all very sound, this post sucked! but im sad and im gonna cry now.. blecxxxhhh.. actually not really, im jus gonna whine a little more in a more communicative medium.. and i hereby make blogspot promise never to write emo blogs again.. ughhhhhh

metro erectus

Just to clarify this article has absolutely nothing to do with the metro rail construction and its implication on bangalore's traffic, sitting in this village i hardly care. AND this clarification is NOT my idea of a joke, yes my sense of humor is improving hence im serious here!
Ok status quo and rants about myself before i actually go into the essence. After the gruelling ordeal of mid terms when i was reminicing an evening of alcohol, i get to know i have a moot in 2 days. Im going to leave out my whole struggle on the ambiguity of the problem and the other problems of my life in the light of my new resolution to promote positivity(itl last about 2 days).
So as i sat reading numerous irrelevant judgement, ze drifting of the minds happened to ze boys(yes at this point i see a bunch of u giggle girls swelling, no i am not advertising prospects of the eligible guys, sheesh), anyhu i remembered sometime back i had said these exact words, "i prefer guys who are from a metro" and after a while "i prefer metrosexual men" and my very able friends put 2 and 2 together added up a five and assumed i said "metrosexual men are from metros" and i was tormented for months.. tchah
The point i am trying to make here is my deep concerns of the increasing "feminity" in men.. i am sure il be ponced on at this juncture with a hundred man like feminists(the irony) but heres the reasoning, manner does not reflect character, to explain further, a tomboy is not always strong willed neither is a femine man always sensitive(he could may as well one of us bitches).
so getting back to my concerns, now guys, for the last time!
statutory warning: The statements cited below are all real in nature and any resemblence to any person living or dead is intentional so if u think this is about u, well ur right.. if you dont, well ur facing a bigger problem of acute delusion.
1.Unless in highly compelling circumstances, NO pink, NO purple and certainly NO flowers teddy bears or any such symbols on ur attire.
2. if ur voices haven cracked yet please work on it! trust me after some hard work its bound to. when some of these uncracked voices call me from behind i have such a conflict which gender summons me.
3. I get ur sense of sensitivity but leave the whining to us girls
4. Ok in extreme circumstances, but what is blasphemy is trying to break down and analyse human behaviour and forming relationship judgements based on it! now we girls phd in that, so for the sake of a certain "pete", DO NOT take that away from us.
5. Metrosexual is okay! favorable even, but when u start giving a girl advice on how to colour coordinate her wadrobe is where you ought to rethink. or actually relocate to UK(ref: law on gay marriages)
6. We get ur newly developed compelling need to "discuss" and "express" and "solve issues", but sometimes JUST LET IT BE, i am not interested in rants on how "i am not sure where this relationship is going... i dunno what i want" especially by boys who i DO NOT play girlfriend to.. sheesh.
7. Getting back to point one, dear fellows, NO pink does not reflect sensitivty.. it refects dirty cotton candy in an exibition.

so boys, "metro erectus", get the implication? well even if you dont, if u dont follow the rules, u wont be getting any of it, metro or no metro...

why do i have to title every entry

The days are getting warmer the moods are getting calmer and... ok i thats about all the rhyming i can do with a blatant lie about the mood.. noone is getting any calmer the sun and sand(not to mention sand dunes) are so discreetly penerating into everyones head and hitting that one nerve where, as my friend very apty put it, "you want to fire the silencer on every little head that looks you in the eye", i however dont have any such extreme feelings(yet).. and now the part has come where i get to whine about how much work we have and how my moots suck.. *whines.. whines..hmmm.. ok whines*.. ok im done.. ahh but there is one thing to look forward to.. HOME! Now unless your stuck in my position you will not understand the blissfullness of the situation.. so im going to explain to you why exactly im so exited
1. unlimited food(south indian not the stupid dal roti) served at the couch(most of the time fed!)
2. super awesome pampering
3. relatives who will even now complain about how im losing weight(thats about the any place thats gonna happen anymore)
4. older people gossip, which has somehow gotten more interesting than ours.. buck up teenagers

ahh if i have forgotten to mention, the fam has discovered the pleasures of the world of internet(yes yes they did not know about it before and yes they have asked me to teach them a million times and YES i have made up excuses everytime like every other kid) which means they found the blog (and didn quite understand although they are in complete denial of the same). so this basically means i get frequent calls on skype with 3 people trying to fit into one web cam and frantically waving..
Facebook is getting real boring of late.. im suprised this is one of my only blogs where i haven made fun of a facebook entry.. no girls whining on facebook about estranged relationships, no philo people airing their opinion on various irrlevent matters in the form of "notes", no people writing 25 things about themselves which is bascially "25 thinks i want the world to know which i think will increase my cool quotient PS: only 2 and half of them are true" no cottons girl flauting their new haircut and highly expensive clothes bought just so that they can click pictures and put them up on face book... hey there i just managed another rant! knew facebook wouldn let me down.. now that i have ranted for sufficient space.. i will continue with the productive work.. i dunno why i keep saying that.. when all the work i have now is to expand my cynicism with murphys law.. i guess its part of law to appear busy unless your paid to be otherwise.
PS: opinion needed, comment on the lameness of the name of the blog "bitchiness revisited many times with that disgusting :P.. oh ok i just did, will change when i find something that will appear witty with inert characteristic lameness"

return of the jedi

ok firstly the title has no relavence to the post i just did not know what to write. now since i am blogging after a considerable amount of time, my opinions on pretty much everything has changed. So you will not see me using lame lines from gossip girl or in genereal being all "cottons", although you will still sense strong hints of bitchiness( i am sorry, it is hard to get rid of), also i am too lazy to run a spellcheck at the end of this so if you find any blatant spelling mistake it is purely a typo( i claim to have won spelling bee in the 1st grade) anyway so i dont exactly know why i am writing this, other than the fact that i am extremely bored, actually most people who say this dont actually mean it.Its just that they dont know the reason or its too lame to make public.Now whether i fall in that catagory i dont know or dont want to know.
i think valentine day sucks. i am not saying it because i am a bitter old maid(or maybe i am. i dont kno).
i came across this facebook profile of this woman who has in her info section mentioned her boyfriends name under interests.As if that was not enough she went on into a full rant on why exactly he falls under that purview and it went something like this:
"Luv ov mah Lyfe ♥ ..aiiite people dis iz mah man... 2 words can give u a brief over view of dis person.""swee'est heart"".Not only does he love me alonebut at the same time he's alwaiz luking out fo his friends & close ones. Adventurous, creative, talented, etc. r some ov his popular traits.Unique individual, chilled out personality.Wht impresses me tho' iz his ability to be aindependant n a very honest Man...the way he thinks n puts thingz down to me....its jus truely amazin...he did make a big difference in mah lyfe...n luv him soo much mo fo ththe's got a gud sense ov Humor..n the purest heart eva.. thts got me stuck on him..., cute n has a round tummy(dat i kinda luv; -) ).. a man who i wuz lukin fo...hes the sweetest thing at times n the biggest arrghhh sumtimes(not reallie)hehe........buh watevah..not everything is PERFECT rie!???? No doubt i hav ma flaws 2 buh its these thingsdat keeps us strongely in Luv ! right boo?
i cannot believe i just ccp'ed a facebook profile. i am going to get into a lot of trouble for this. but i just could not resist. and also notice how sms language deviced to save money has been exploited to form a whole new language. "dialect of the blonds".
I had seriously considered taking clat this time but the thought of filling all the forms again put me off the idea. i think it was just a passing phase because i met some "intellectually stimulating" people at a debate. talking about "intellectual stimulation"( i am putting this word in quotes because i am going to make a lot of fun of this later). this word has been misused by a lot of people lately. its become a new style especially in my college which has already misused death metal bands and turned CHE into a clothing line(who i am not a big fan of btw, but about that later). so this "intellectual stimation"(i am going to call it IT for short to save space) has become a precedent to talk to people. i mean what about the poor dumb people, do they not have a right to life(ctrl+alt+F, article 21). and furthermore i dont get what exactly IT means and not be too sexist but ive heard this phrase a lot more from females than i have from the guys. So i finally mustered the will to make the effort to pose the question to this particular woman who had previously used and misused it to the exact extend of moving me from my comfort postition and making the effort to ask. the exact answer i get goes something like this, "now ummm see *snaps fingers incessecently* you wont understand(YEAH RIGHT!). its like. its like. hmm someone who can talk to about stuff like inflation" phew! now i didn exactly what else is the stuff that is like inflation and well okay so lets talk about "inflation", "so bob what do you think of inflation". "uhh i dont know mate i guess another can of beers gonna cost me 5 cents more, pity innit?".. there you go an IT conversation on inflation..
In 48 hours the only edible item i have consumed is a can of juice. i have been harping about this because it is a new record for me. and no i have not been sucked into the whole "size zero" thingy(not completely anyway). just a simple case of food poisoning so if any of you wantto make me feel better, i like chocolates(oh damn cant eat that either!) sheesh this sucks.
now that i have wasted considerable aamount of time and space i shall get back to my usual productive activities. *wall i simply stare at, here i come!*