Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Freudian slips

The most recent of my present stupidities. I was attempting to make small talk with a friend through SMS, a means of communication i had revived after many a long abstinence simply because i perceived i had gotten too cool for the same.
Anyway the small talk was going brilliantly and i prided myself on my awesome social skills. Just then my current and improved version cellphone decided to play a cruel trick.
The statement i indented to write was as follows: "I could not get an internship at such short notice"
The statement T9 decided to make of it was: "I could not get an internship at vagina notice"
How "such short" became "vagina", i will never know.

In other news, my father miraculously develops a fake accent around German Clients. So you see, idiosyncrasy runs in the family!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

suresh vs. suresh

Topic of the current week seemed to be how I'm so ahead of my generation(for obvious reasons which will not be elaborated for fear of being reported abuse). Whilst i was basking in this glory(i think its a compliment!), my phone rings.

Caller: HI AKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
me: hey soans!
Caller(now identified as my sister): wazzzzaaaaaaaa
*children! always so enthusiastic*
Me: ....... (social conversations)
Sonu: soooo.... what plans for V day da!
Me: *temporary reflection on lack of conjugal interests and general emptiness of life* no plan Sonu! this day is for stupid people who encourage mass purchase of nonsense from the Archie gallery. *ha! temporarily inflated*
Sonu: oh phuleeeez! your just sad you don't have a valentine *giggles*
Me: *knew i should not have left her in Bangalore* : oh! because u soooo have a valentine *catching up on the lingo*
Sonu: Duh! Of course i do.
*strike one*
Me: but but but but... ur in the 7Th grade!!!!!
Sonu: so? hes in 7Th grade too!
*yea that makes this union so holy*
Me: OK wait lemme get this straight! U have a boyfriend!? Is this the guy you once previously threatened into liking you??
Sonu: oh no no.. this is another guy, hes also getting me a gift for valentines.
*gasp*
Me: bleecchhh yea okay
Sonu: yeaa but i don't think this this is gonna work out.
*gasp*
Me: *im losing this battle* why sonu?
Sonu: well if the other guy were to ask me out.....
Me: *assuming she was referring to the one she previously threatened*: you will dump your present boyfriend??
Sonu: yeaa see i really wont have to do that, they are in different classes.. *exited giggles*
Me: *feeling faint*: I think we've had enough for one day honey, i will call u tomorrow.
Sonu: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*Sigh*, Guess one can never be too ahead.

Friday, January 22, 2010

....and then i saw a tamil movie

After the weeks tiring ordeal of Internet hackers and annoying lecturers i finally sat down to watch a Tamil movie. Now this was a movie i had seen before in my childhood ( you know when i was decent and innocent) and nostalgia drove me to it once again... OK wait, why am i justifying my watching this movie. Anyway moving on...

Gentleman
(Act one)
Scene one: Some loser politician yakking on the mike. Sudden sound of some firing. Widespread panic. People protecting their "veshties" and what lies underneath. Chaos all around. Too much noise. *zoom in* hero dude's face covered in some black cloth (@ anti southie racists: it was in fact a black cloth and not his face, i checked).
Scene Two: Some lonely road. A lot of disguises and drama. our black cloth hero dude swindles 100 crore or something( in 500 rupee notes carried in one police jeep protected by constables and one "i have a body but its useless except for conjugal purposes" inspector.
Later that day they meet at the police headquarters where one politician (holding his lungi up so high his patterned inner wear is clearly visible) spits on the Chennai police (quite literally.. alas! the insult). Anti hero police guy resolves to catch this robin hood anti villain type guy.
Note:The distinction of hero and villain have not been made clear. Blasphemy for a Tamil movie.
Scene 3: *zoom in*. A board that reads "kichas appalam" is visible along with a dirty blue cloth wiping it. This is in fact the heroine's davani (read weird part of a half sari) which after the wiping she intentionally gets stuck on the hook of the board. One may think for hygiene purposes but actually for seducing the hero. Alas! while our hero jumps to retrieve it he closes his eyes. *ego demolisher*.
Scene 4: Various insights about the dacoity hero's parallel life as a papad maker and the heroines desperate attempt to seduce him.
Enters supporting actor in a female role read loser from Delhi who considers feeling up everyone from auto men to the hero part of the cults Delhi culture. Insignificant exit of role supporter chic after ample skin show and unsuccessful rape which is surprisingly not initiated by her. Hero also finally discovers "eroines" undying love (finally!) but rejects her petition(which ironically she presented in an applam).. awwwwwww!
Gentlemen(we still don't know who the title is referring to)
Act II
Scene 1: Location: Somewhere in Delhi, but actually shot in nugampakam after a glance of the gateway.
Side kick actress getting married. Ironically to the police man who is after our hero guy. After a lot of cat chase hero is discovered to be anti villain (or something like that). Heroine crushed that her super awesome crush is a robber type. Confronts him and threatens to burn herself(women!).
Scene 2(the flashback): Hero guy does get medical seat due to bureaucracy. Mum burns self, he becomes dacoit. Starts building educational institution which has everything from pre kg to diploma courses.
This scene brings out the originality in the story.
Scene 3: After some more cat chase hero brought to the court. Makes passionate speeches about the country's sad political state, nothing we have not already heard in a ton his other movies. Judge not impressed, sentences him to 6 years imprisonment (after all the efforts to catch him). lets the politician free.
Stud moment: He gets his lawyer to do paper work thilu mulu and somehow makes dacoity educational institution as a public trust.
Stud moment 2: Public spirited youth runs cycle over politician's car causing it to explode(side advertisement for the cycle). *zoom in*, heart of PS II, Head of politician and tears of hero.
Scene 4(the climax): Six Years Later
Super school is somehow complete. Red ribbons are cut. Hero finally gives up and accepts heroines "subtle" advances.
The End
Highlights: Ample opportunity to lust after the hotness of Tamil Nadu, action hero Arjun.